Vanilla Skies

My heart is breaking inside my chest
I've got no one that knows me best
And I'm trying, I'm trying so hard
Every single breath of life
Is a mistake I can't live with tonight
And I'm crying, I'm crying so hard
And once upon a fairy tale
I have never been so frail
And I'm trying I'm trying so hard
To bring you back to me

Push Me Off The Proverbial Ledge

I'm just sitting here playing this so I have an excuse

Because I told you I had something better to do

But every second that you fail to respond

Is a dagger ripping through me

I pray this message becomes a beacon of distress

like I so badly want it to be

Another push off the proverbial ledge

I still have yet to believe

Someone Like Me

You're my crutch, my curse, my crucifix
The poison in your lips is such a potent mix
Haphazardly the hazard lights are going off like shooting stars
Foreshadowing moonlit nights on top of hoods of cars
But as twilight comes and passes you'll be wanting someone else
And I'll oblige completely, I've always never liked myself

This must be what love feels like
being cold and broken on this bathroom floor
I'll keep setting my sights low
so I'm not left high and dry any more
I'll scream my heart out with every breath I take
This must be what love feels like
for someone like me

You're a breath of fresh air in this apocalyptic state of mind
That I've been quarantined within, without consent on dotted line
Complicate me, then medicate me, repeat steps one and two
Until my body and soul are battered and bruised

Pity is One Hell of a Drug

I'm laying down my hands
For I can no longer leave them raised
It's as tiring as it is pointless
You fear a breakdown and loneliness
I embrace them
That's the difference between us
Not that I'm better for it
Both are our weaknesses
I've been trying to catch my breath
Ever since I laid witness
To the train wreck that is you
Not that I'm any better
But it takes one to know one
And when wrecks like ours meet
It's cataclysmic
Rehabilitation is a stone throw away
But I just want to relax
And relapse
Into my narcissism
But for now
I'm releasing my breath
For the only thing I want to hold
is you.

This Forest Never Looked So Fake

I am but a tree in the autumn
You are the leaves
Falling away one by one
I stand there
Reluctant at first
Bare in time
My heart becomes ice
Under your eternal shadow
No one will know if I've died
Until Spring comes
And everyone else
Picks back up where they left off
And I'm still empty

Love

This four letter word
Conjures up an image
In the heads of many
One they will live their whole lives
Competing against
Whomever uttered
"Love conquers all"
Was right

Simple

From thought to action
Pen to paper
feels so good
Like finding out I've been home all along
Right before the floor is tugged from below me
Listen to me digress
It's when I tell the truth
Being calculated only works
When I'm the problem
and the solution is yet to exist
I'm a simple hello apart
From finding myself in someone else
Giving up isn't the right term
No
More like abysmal attempts
Fluctuations of failure
Repeated regrets
I can't keep leaving stones unturned
Each one holds a diamond underneath
While I'm left with fool's gold
Judge me by my cover
I'm so hollow there's nothing
Else to judge me by
Again, I've digressed
I'm nothing but self loathing
At my best
And at my worst
I'm nothing

Remember This Always

I'm deconstructing right before your very eyes
How dare you take advantage of me
My most vulnerable
My weakest moment
And there you are clawing at my heart
It's a little overplayed don't you think?
Still waiting for your fill
I'm waiting for the carrier pigeon to deliver
A message
Any message
A simple salutation
Or a heartfelt embrace
And yet I receive nothing but false hope
I'm just a whim
A shortcoming of your latest endeavor
No real substance
I'm a lost cause
Leave now while you still can
At least you'll finally listen to me
And already be two steps ahead

I Stole This From Your Heart

I'm lacing this drug with hope and regret
To better understand this CoNfUsIoN
I can't keep up with the ecstasy you've placed in me
Just a dramatization of every bruise, every contusion

I Can No Longer Feel My Fingertips

I was sprawled out, broken like the pieces of a puzzle
That had never been completed anyway
Ruled by you as a waste of time
Simply a childish game
I've never been forgiven for any of the crimes
That I have yet to commit
I'm crunching the numbers and sadly it appears
It'll take you a lifetime to forget

Where were you when I needed you?
If I broke down tonight would you come to my aid
Or take a different path until my memory fades
My wandering ways keep me alone
I would give anything to make your heart my home
But you always leave me stoned

I'm bleeding ink all over the page
Without a hint of doubt or irony
The image of a blood stain at the foot of my bed
Keeps itself on constant replay
I'm a slave to my subconscious, rattling chains
I'm a piece of work of art
But I have yet to get a word in edgewise
To my ferocious beating heart

Parachute

I would take a bet on myself just to prove my misery
Take a shot because it's the only thing that sticks around with me

All hands on deck this relationship is sinking
I'd lie to you if I knew what you were thinking
There's a warrant for your arrest because you've killed this conversation

Anchor's away, goodbye, and good riddance
Everything you've ever done is a lie (that you can't hide behind)

Dreaming is the only time you're real
I'm drowning alone in this valley of vanity and sex appeal
We survived these seven seas and we're left with only sickness
A keepsake of the memory that keeps you sacred

I'm just Romeo and I've got no Juliet
The balcony scene is happening and I'm not even on set
Darling you're heartbreak in the first degree
There's a warrant for your arrest because you're killing me

All hands on deck this relationship is sinking

This Isn't A Poem Or A Lyric

No, this is my life. The real mess.

It's night time, and it's getting close to existential crisis mode for yours truly. I have a friend who's probably better than anyone I know at pushing everything off their chest and writing it for the world to see.
                         That's bravery.

I, instead, have a blog (which I continually update) which features me hiding behind clever phrases and imaginative lines while I overlook the one underlying thing.
The problem is me.

So I'm taking a stab at bravery. Yes, I walk these streets wondering how fickle every person I meet is. What is their time frame on friendship. Does theirs last for a lifetime, a few years, months, weeks, days, until the moment I say, "I'll see ya later" and then I'm off their mind until our next encounter? I'm not sure.
Why do I think these things?
Is it because I can see the truth behind the human heart? Or is it because when I was young(er) and naive(er?) this is how I treated people?
I'm betting on the latter. "Out of sight, out of mind" is a sword brandished at my throat waiting for my next mistake.


If you were here, I'd look you right in the eye before I dropped this key utterance: I'm scared.

You heard it here first folks. I'm terrified.
I have problems that haunt my past, and continue to snowball up into my future. I have no idea how long it'll take me to escape their shadows, let alone their outreached hand of despair.
Even as I write these words I'm terrified. Every single truth is paired with a ring of doubt. What can I do once the truth is outside of my body?
No longer am I the judge of myself, but merely a bystander in the interpretation of myself.
I am on your doorstep looking as forlorn as always.


I don't know what this is.
I guess it's staging my own intervention. Maybe I'll catch this before it becomes my downfall.
Maybe you'll save me.

I don't know

So as I break down tonight. Just be happy it's me and not you.
Revive me in the morning.

Breathless.

Breathe sweet, breathe easy
You're no will and testament
To those who came before you
Or those who have yet to repent
My dear, you're an addiction
A drug so sweet and pure
You are nothing but a disease
I never want a cure
I am breathless
Hopeless, careless, thoughtless
Working on being more
And mourning in such bliss
This is my confession
To a world you'll never know
Where rain drops taste just like your lips
And your smell's locked in every rose

When No One Hears You, You Can't Make A Sound

Hello?

An echo is my only response

I have yet to find an answer to such a simple call

A dream I've survied alone in

I wish I was strong enough

To carry this burden upon my shoulders

To continue this lonely trek

Hello?

Not even a response this time

This is a continuation of a lack of self control

I am my only downfall

My only side-effect

My only disability

HELLO?

I stand still in my anger

Pitted self versus self

Yet,

I pray for the softest reply

A shout from the distance

A hand to reach out in the dark

Grasp mine

And lead me to salvation

hello...

It's that moment that I discover

What I am

What I've been

Utterly

(and truly)

Alone

This Wasn't My Idea

This blanket of snow provides the perfect metaphor
For my empty bed of a heart
Leave me alone on this shallow frame
I'm unforgiving and twice as forgettable
I remember being happy
A faint echo of a faded memory
So I'll just dive into the darkest moments
I live for you to watch my every move
And breathe in my every exhalation
What am I without observation?
Just a tree falling in a forest without anybody to hear
Who knows if it makes sound?
Who cares?
I am nothing without my audience
So as the nights grow thin
And the days grow passionate
I grow incomplete
So thank you for your mocking acceptance
And forgiving glances
I will hold them dear.

So I'll Scream It From The Top Of My Lungs

I understand.
I will miss you.
Maybe next time.

Stop Pretending

I am not a work of fiction

You can not ignore me out of existence 

I will be here for all time

For I am eternal

A Spoonful of Sugar Helps the Poison Go Down

Sweet cyanide Cinderella
Please take my hand from me
You're corrosive like an acid
And I'm burning for the world to see
Condemned myself to a world of tears
The ones that streamline down my face
Not the ones that rip me in two
You've been doing that enough

Sweet cyanide Cinderella, you're packing your bags to leave
Today is the day, you said you don't want to waste away with me
This is my sweet surrender
All those summers that we spent down by the shore
I don't know what you were waiting for
Cinderella

Time to bury my feelings
And swallow my heart out of my throat
All this pressure has created a diamond
Out of a former lump of coal
My mother always told me that I should
Forgive and forget, live and let live
But what happens when I'm sick of living
And I always forget to forgive?

Vacating The Premises

Please take this from me now
These reins are hard enough to hold alone
I want to share the world with you
Or let my lonely reign stay eternal
Take my hand
Take a chance
Tonight I'll separate my tears from the rain
And find you waiting through soaked window
It's not the timing that's off
Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn
No, it's more than that
It's everything
Take a breath
Take this regret
Please take this from me now