Under Doses of Novacaine

So your promises lie broken
Upon a floor where no one cares
Though I remain unspoken
No one will ever save me here
So I loved without restrictions
and I loved without restraint
I loved under no conditions
But I guess that was my mistake
     But where is my happily ever after
     The one promised in your laughter
     The one I've always been after
     Oh where is my happily ever after
So what if your words can make me smile
That doesn't undo the hurt they've done
If my heart was meant for breaking
Yours is meant to be the lonely one
     But where is my happily ever after
     The one promised in your laughter
     The one I've always been after
     Oh where is my happily ever after

Check Yes

Why must we kill each other like this?
Double homicides are so cliche
I'd rather we had a double suicide
Romeo & Juliet show us the way
It's far less brutal
And far more romantic
This poison-tipped dagger rests
While I await it's fury
Somehow
I'm winning every single battle
In a landslide
And yet
Losing the war
I'm lost at sea
And tonight
Woe is me

Breathless, Regretless

You were always pretty reckless with my love
You cast me aside, regret-less, when you're done
I should have known you'd leave me breathless and alone
I was speechless when you closed this door
It feels just like you took the heart out of my aching chest

All's Well That Ends Well

You can stare into my eyes all you want
There is no peace of mind to be found
I line it up in my head that you're here to stay
And I will be the chosen one
But instead
Blessed be the ones who stick around the most
The requirements are only shallow thoughts and high hopes
At this point words fail me
My only companion through good and bad
Thick and thin
Love and hate
And it's abandoning me on this battlefield
Wonderful
Just when I needed it most
I gasp for a breath that isn't there
And instead of lying to benefit myself
I billow out truth after truth
(For once in my life)
To seal loss
The loss
When I wrote down my favorite words
Beautiful. Hollow.
I should have seen the ironic foreshadowing

Emptiness Is Just a Fad that's Fading Fast

Hollow.
I'm bleeding on the page again
Coughing up line after line
Praying each one impresses more than the last
But like daylight while you are here, it's fading so fast
I absolutely adore you
Alliteration aside
I'm echoing my shortcomings
Hoping they become full by shouting them over and over
Instead, they become smaller
Dwarfed by the very size of the canyon
That's forming inside
Between the life I've been living
And the life I'm beginning to live
Once I've overcome myself
The only affecting factor will be you
So for now
Sweet Cinderella please take my hand
I'm done taking the cyanide for now
Because of you
I want to survive

Every Sinking Ship Needs A Captain

I'm the problem, you're the solution
A fix to a fix to a fix to a lie
We are all just walking jokes
Sharing the same punch line
I hate to keep saying it but it's true
I never meant anything until I fell with you
There is nothing I can say that you haven't seen before
Our happily ever aftermath lies in pieces on the floor

Testing testing, 1-2-3. Is this working? I don't know
The end is the beginning and I'm beginning to feel all alone
Testing testing, 1-2-3, is anybody there?
This is a confession in a masterpiece and I know that you don't care

An overdose of the limelight; another hit, another town
My facade has taken over and it's wearing me around
The blessing isn't cleaning up after all of your mistakes
It's being able to cover them and wear the lies upon your face

Testing testing, 1-2-3. Is this working? I don't know
The end is the beginning and I'm beginning to feel all alone
Testing testing, 1-2-3, is anybody there?
This is a confession in a masterpiece and I know that you don't care

Every sinking ship needs a captain
And I only want that captain to be you

These Fields Are Forever Flooded

It's been one lifetime for me
But it's only been two weeks for you
And these last three years have seen
So much shit we've both gone through
I've waited too long for this
To just be fucked without a kiss
So what's a boy like me to do
But fall apart with you

I've gone all in on the wrong hand, wrong time
To fall in the damage I create
And despite the hope that lines your lips
Your God doesn't want me saved
I've been waiting for someone like you
For years and years and years
The song you sing, I've never heard
But sounds like love to my deaf ears

It's been one lifetime for me
But it's only been two weeks for you
And these last three years have seen
So much shit we've both gone through
I've waited far too long for this
To just be fucked without a kiss
So what's a boy like me to do
But fall in love with you

No Longer Being Alone Means Everything Seems More Real

Play her favorite song until you conjure words from pouted lips
Until they're distracted long enough to steal away a kiss
Next thing you know you'll stop listening to me
Because I've never really known anything anyway

And now I'm lost at sea, woah.
I'm drowning in the sea, woah.
I'm lost at sea, woah.
And tonight woe is me.

She's got you hinging on her hellos and goodbyes
Finally she starts slipping up on alibis
You promised yourself you'd find another fish in this ocean
But you can't seem to pull it together

And now you're lost at sea, woah.
You're drowning in the sea, woah.
You're lost at sea, woah.
But tonight woe is me.

Something Different

It's late at night where are you?
I've got nothing better to do
Are you real, are you real?
I'll hold the pieces of your heart
Inside my fragile arms
How does it feel
To know you'll never be alone
To have something to call your own

Julianne
You are the one
That I've been waiting on for
So long
To everything I've done
I just can't wait
To see that smile drip down your face
Julianne

Come softly close to me
Can you hear my heartbeat?
How does it feel?
I don't believe in fairy tales
Or how I've become so frail
Are you real, are you real?
I don't know what you've done
But heartbreak has never felt so fun

Julianne
You are the one
That I've been waiting on for
So long
To everything I've done
I just can't wait
To see that smile drip down your face
Again
Julianne

Interchanging Titles

Your name is an echo
Of a time I've forgotten
A familiar memory
That's never existed
I'm rolling through the ecstasy
Praying every moment is mine
One day, maybe it will be
And never loved me will instead
Be referring to the one I never cared for
No longer a burden to carry
But a mistake to laugh at
And share starry nights with
She will become immorally immortal
While you become eternal
And I become elated
Every smile dripping with happiness
Instead of angst and loathing
One day
Maybe

Reality

The worst part isn't falling apart
It's feeling like everyone stopped caring about putting you back together

What Do They Say About Every Beginning?

The words you say come out like daggers
Yet they never pierce the skin
They merely sit there
In anticipation
As if merely their presence
Will invoke gashes into my soul
Your eyes rest beautifully
Surrounded by years
Of effects
Of sights seen
Of a distant life
Of faded memory
And yet you spill these truths
Forth from filled cup
I am left gathering the remains
I confess
I try to fix
Your rainbow of memories aren't awaiting an outsider
They're waiting for you to face your demons
The whole world is rooting for you
And if not the whole world
Then at least me
Because I've studied this battle
It's you versus them
David versus Goliath
Ego versus Id
I hope
That at the end of this
I will be able to run a victory lap
Right beside you

Where Do I Go From Here?

It's so hard to follow you
Your heart pours out onto the page
And I'm left holding the pieces
Struggling to find tape to mend your broken self
One day
You'll be ready for my outreached hand
You've said so yourself
Allow me to paint this picture
With words you've become so acquainted with
I will not lash out at you once again
For once was enough
And the gaping hole left
Searing inside my chest
Has finally come to rest
But as for now
I will fade into the distance
Until you become strong enough
To deal with the infallible failure I've become

Salutations

Good morning.
I've said this multiple times
To people I barely know
To people I cherish
And yet
It's mostly a lie
I can't remember the last "good morning" I had
All I can remember is waking up
Next to vacant spots
Or hollow souls
Both giving the same feeling of dismay
Or something like it
Sometimes I struggle with the plausibility of being awake

My only distraction is my dreams
Even nightmares are welcome
Anything to avoid reality
There I can fly
Here I passively await the next trial
To see what possible outcome I will be accused of
And then found guilty of
And then serve my time for
But the lesson after all of this is quite simple
I will not go down without a fight
I will be able to love no matter what
If I repeat this enough times
Hopefully I'll begin to believe it's the truth

Shallow Breaths Make Shallow Graves

Breathe sweet, breathe easy
You're no will or testament
To those who came before you
Or those who have yet to repent
My dear you're an addiction
A drug so sweet and pure
You are nothing but a disease
I never want a cure
I am breathless
Hopeless, careless, thoughtless
Working on being more
And mourning in such bliss
This is my confession
To a world you'll never know
Where rain drops taste just like your skin
And your smell's locked in every rose

Simplicity

I am staring at this page
Waiting for answers to lift off
And explain my life for me
Every breath and hesitation
Is as telling as any word
A metaphor for the life I live
It's vicious how conniving I can be
Mirrors give me a second look
To make sure I'm real
You can't hear it
But every word written down
Is a battle within my body
Brain versus heart
Which side gets to tell its story?
The winner begrudgingly jots down every utterance
In hope the loser learns next time
But alas, the war continues
In act one I'm the conquering hero
Act two, I've become the dashing lead
Act three
Well I'm no longer there
I've written myself out
I'm falling apart quicker than you could ever imagine
And there you are
Cheering me on from the sidelines
I'm trading my soul for these words
And while the page continues to grow with words
I continue to grow eternally blank
And this page becomes me