I Think I Found The Missing Link

I believed in everyone for too long

Now failure comes in waves

I'm just a footnote on daily plans

Never the main event

I need to stop getting so ahead of myself

And remember that

I pause

Draw a breath

And a conclusion

While I'm at it

I draw my weapon

And blood

Fall upon the floor

Everybody Knows It Sucks To Grow Up

One, Two
Pressure is building
Three, Four
I can't take much more
Five, Six
Blame is starting to stick
Seven, Eight
It's me I hate
Nine, Ten
Let's not mention this again

I Thought I Was Part Of Something More

Where do I start?

I have attempted to remedy the only part of my body

That aches every second

In a balance between what I should do to save myself

And what I should do to please everyone else

No matter which road I take

I am failing someone

I took a breath of fresh air this morning

Hoping it would hold me over

Until tomorrow

Instead I clammed up

Forgot my way back home

Got lost taking a step to the front door

Stop

Back up for a second

I forgot my keys

Not the ones to an automobile

The one to your heart

I haven't misplaced it

I never had possession of it to begin with

Pretending to have ownership over someone

Gives me a sense of well-being

And makes me believe in the world again

Until tomorrow

When I wake up to find the days have passed

And you are no closer to me

Then the first day we met

I'll convince myself otherwise

If love is so pure

Why am I so fickle?

I will fall for one after another

And while you may come and go

Right at the end of our encounters

I'll take a breath

And hold that

Until tomorrow

Good Morning Sunshine

I had a dream last night
Possibly a nightmare
The monster stuck to shadows
Slinking around the precipice
Waiting for me to make a mistake
I awoke
And found
The enemy was nothing more
Than a figment of my imagination
Much like reality

Total Revenge

When you begin to understand

That I am in love with no one

And let that truth sink in

For a minute

For an hour

For a day

Then you can come back to me

Look deep into my eyes

And finally see

That despite the looks of things

These lies you hear

Sprout from the truth I speak

And the questions you spew

Lie in the answers I seek

I'm not infallible

Nor am I always fallen

I'm just the one who falls apart fastest

And heals just as fast

Compare the demise to the rise

You will see the similarities

And while you're discovering the truth

Of what is already plainly in front of you

I'll be on my way to the next fall

When It All Comes Crashing Down

I'm a mess
And as you read that sentence
Let it percolate
Let it reside in your skull and ferment
Until it begins to rot
Like my conscience
Rotten to the very core
Like the apple that spoiled the bunch
Rotting beneath the earth
Hidden under seashells and sandcastles
To give the ground above more appeal
It's love at first sight
Second glances provide second chances
For you to back out while you still can
But you'll stick around
The only thing more exciting than the self-destruct
Is witnessing it

Midnight Dresses Are For Dreaded Messes

She smiled at first
A lie upon hard lips
But even lies slip sometimes
As the edges of her grin
Dropped ever lower
She remembered the hanging regret
Above her head like mistletoe
Without the implications of future love
No, this regret hangs like the hallows
Searing its way into her heart
Until all that is left is a reminder
Of a dream
A nightmare
A ghost from her past
She takes a breath
Nightmares are only as real as you allow
She stares down her enemy
The flashbulb bursts into a thousand pieces
That etched frown stains the photograph
Truth lies captured for all time
She smiles

Lie, Lie, Lie (Sunshine)

You're so short-sighted and of such short stature
You were never looking for a man to love, just a heart to capture
But everything that you say is never how it is
You're a fairytale and just as real

Lie in your bed
With everything that you should of said
Lie to your dreams
And questioning what you did to me
Lie lie lie de da haha
We're laughing without you with so much style
When you lie to yourself
That he makes you smile

In the realm of all things going
Exactly as they seem
I am headed nowhere
To somewhere you've never been
But if I reach out my hand and you fail to take it
I'll still appear angry
But like your love
I'll just fake it

You are no sunshine, you're a cloudy day
I've been waiting for the storm to break
But the forecast is filled with rain
You are no sunshine, you're a cloudy day
You cover up your blue skies with gray

How I Feel

Breathe in deeply
And exhale quietly
Into me
Filling up my hollow soul
With a mockery of oxygen
Your carbon dioxide just rots

This Mirror Echos Voices While The Canyon Reflects Self

I looked into her eyes
While I whispered confessions
Admittances lingered on softened tongues
When did the past get so in control
Of everything our futures can be?
I conceded
That's a lie
I halted mid-sentence
And swam in the murky gray silence that followed
Shortly thereafter
I started right back where I left off
Blessed be thy nature
Or at least my nature
Or the nature of myself
Better to forgive and forget
Than grow up alone
This is my life
He said
I agreed and smiled
You can only achieve what you set out to do
And what you let yourself accomplish
Once we arrive at the destination
I'll turn around and go back
Because the journey is always the best part
That's when I hold your hand
And pull you with me
The mirror just echos our voices
And the canyons we've conquered
Are just hollow reflections of ourselves
We'll smile at the end of the day
Knowing I have won your heart
And while I whispered these confessions
She looked into my eyes

Starcrossed

It's the time we spend that fades
Like a shooting star
The future growing dim
While all behind it
The past is shining bright
I am not ready to fall apart
I'm ready to piece myself together
Frankenstein's monster comes to mind
Though he's slightly less confused
I'm slightly more broken
Lead me on
It'll make you more comfortable
I'll contort to save your day
Who cares about me anyway?
I'm just along for the ride

Cellar Doors And Deep Closets

Here I am
Talking to myself again
Expecting you to hear me
The beginning of each of these
Is less of a message then it is a warm-up
For the big event
While I distract with words
And phrases
You will never know the true meaning
Until it's too late and it seeps into your soul
I want you
And for some reason
I'd wait forever to find you again
As soon as I figure out why
I'll let you know
For now
Let's let bygones be bygones
And failures be forgotten
And dreams be remembered
And love be rekindled
And that way
Instead of miserably drudging through each day
We can smile

That's all I've wanted from day one
Your smile beside me

You Are Still Here Beside Me

I'm taking a breath
For the first time in ages
Hoping that you'll follow suit
Because what more is life
Than a series of breaths
With minor complications in between
Once held reclusive
Now all is out in the open
My dreams are lost in the making
Of such a wonderfully sad fairy tale
Today I'm taking a breath
Tomorrow I'll exhale
And out will come the monstrosity
That has plagued me from the start
Like my beating heart
Or is that breaking heart?
I can never remember
I plead the fifth
Because I cannot recall
The first time I laid eyes upon you
Or the second, third or fourth
Instead I'll hold on to you
Like a lost child holds a hand
Because
In the realm of all things going
Exactly as they seem
I am headed nowhere
To somewhere you've never been
But if I reach out my hand
And you fail to take it
I'll still appear to be consumed in anger
But like your love
I'll just fake it

happy birthday...

The day
Where everyone
who hasn't talked to you since the last time
Deems it time to speak to you 
You're now worthy of their time
That's all you wanted right?
Wish granted

Cage Me

Ladies and gentlemen
Allow me to introduce to you
A man
Hollowed through time
Forgotten by his peers
Alone in a journey to nowhere
This man is simply me
Stuck in a grind
Imposed by societal standards
"You can't succeed without this"
But I want to travel
I want to disappear into you
Not you
You who abandoned me when I needed you most
No, not you
Instead the new you
I found someone else to be loved by
But not really
I throw around the word love so that I can feel complete
And when I lie alone at night
I can dream of a world where I'm in love
This makes me feel like loneliness is a temporary condition
That I've been stuck in for almost all of my twenty-one years of life
Irony? or Coincidence?
I'm not sure any more
You slay me to save me
Or slave me to say (to) me
Apologies formed on broken land
These promises do not set well with one so fallen
Instead I'll take your words with a grain of salt
Remember it's all my fault
And eternally collapse

Get Me Out Of Here

It's almost laughable the way I keep falling head over heels
I would give away my soul to never feel this way again
Why does my happiness hinge on tattered truths?
When will I become ignorant enough to soak myself in bliss?
These questions (among others) will not be answered
They'll burrow deep like a cancer
Stealing years away from my life
Until one day I'll look up and shout
IT'S ALL MY FAULT
But I won't believe it
Neither will those sitting front row to the self-realization that has momentarily occured
And then faded
Like the moon on a starless night
Or the promises you fail to keep
Or the life I fail to lead
Regardless I'm half ashamed
Of the person I was
The person I am
And the person I'm becoming
The trifecta of self-pity and demoralization
I only welcome change because it distracts me from the only thing I truly fear
The only thing that's always constant
Me

Hindsight Is 20/20 But My Foresight Needs A Better Prescription

This is a dream
Stop
As soon as I awake I'll recall it to be a nightmare
So the next time I lay my head to sleep
I can pretend that this isn't what I wanted
And instead
Is something I should avoid
Like a plague or cancer upon my subconscious
How did it get this way?
Through years of denial
Culminating into the very heartbreak seeker that lies before you here
But in these groggy hours of the mid-morning
Where the line between fact and fiction blurs
I will pretend you are my guardian angel
And that is something I can hold on to