Vice Versa

I've got bad intentions just masked by innocence
A repercussion of the heartbreak and lies I've been telling myself since
Hollow out your heart to keep in touche with mine
It's the best way to reach me unscathed

How were we supposed to know all the love letters
That I wrote
Were just eulogies in the making

Signing off and goodnight, darling, thank you for everything
It's not that often I go to sleep with one thing on my mind
There's something to be said about cynics and sinning
The world's so cruel and yet I'm still grinning
Because after all these years my hearts breaking you

The stars are just as numbered as the tears I've made you shed
How can you say our names in the same breath
Without it being laced with regret
I've appraised the value of your words
A penny for your thoughts is more than you are worth

Sweet silences followed by the bitter cold
Keep me in it for the only thing I've ever known

4 AM

Dear Diary,
It's 3 am
and the girl I love is miles and miles away
and doesn't know who I am
I've been losing sleep for days now
Holding this all in my head
I know you're holding back on calling me out
Only because you don't know to respond

Does she find it hard to breathe
Like I do when she's next to me

Dear Diary,
same entry
I thought I lost you for a moment there
Should I make a move?
Should I spill my heart
I'll take your silence as a yes
I confess, I'm curious

Does she find it hard to breathe
Like I do when she's next to me
She's won my heart with all of her words
Now I've just got to work on winning hers
And maybe one day my entries won't be just hopeful
they'll be complete

oh diary, you won't believe me
she's beautiful
I want to be everything she deserves
Everything I should be
Anything for her
Sincerely,
Me

Does she find it hard to breathe
Like I do when she's next to me
I confess I'm curiously
Wondering what she thinks of me

Dear Diary,
It's 4 am
And she still doesn't know who I am

Do you ever feel like it's all pointless?

That's because it is

Heartless/Breathless

I stand before you stripped down
A microphone and guitar my only weapons
The onslaught begins slowly at first
Crooked lines and hooked words
Fall from open lips like a leak
                                              at first.
Then slowly the words become heavy and break
Through the make-shift cage and burst into a waterfall
The air becomes thick and heavy
Suddenly a pause cuts like a knife
You are nothing more than a pawn
In this game I've been playing with you

I have dropped my defenses
I'm once again stripped down
I will let you in just this once
Don't step on my toes
Don't break the silence
Leave everything the way you found it
Once you're out of sight, you're out of mind
I will become a fragment of a tainted memory
You will become nothing more than fuel for a fire
This flame is burning a hole in my chest
I'll feed the flames with each of my breaths
Robbing my oxygen from my lungs
Finishing me off the way I began

Suicide or Martyrdom?

Leave me on this desolate floor
Next to the rotting boards that hide
Cellar secrets and skeleton closets
Leave questions on lips
Answers in locked rooms
The truth is always a slip away
Lies are a dime a dozen
So save up
I am the lone merchant
In this land of free will
Selling you lies and deceit
With no chance of refunds
Or returns
Truth is whatever the world makes it
Be it through fact or fiction
Whatever survives is real

Revolutions and Resolutions

Recently I've been wondering how close I am to the end
Shortcomings have destroyed this outcome
If the world is already in someone else's hand
Is it alright to steal it back?
Or do you have to wait until they become complacent
And in their boredom
Discard this beautiful world as casually as a plastic bottle
Just as everlasting
Just as toxic
I'm impatient
You know this
I have previously stated I would run
To the edge of the end of the world
To find a token of my love
And here I am
Overrun in tokens and loveless
Lost in a sea of bad timing and missed chances
The tide of emotions ebbs and flows in correlation
To a supernatural occurrence I have yet to discover
They say we're most afraid of what we don't know
I'm walking proof
So now begins my resolution
Today is my first step towards you
I am sorry for any strife this causes
But I've always been told if there's something I want
I should go all out for it
The stakes are high
The cards have been dealt
I'm going all in
Get ready

Merry Christmas

It's that time again
Walk into a room alone
Be reminded of the thinness of water
And still hate its competition
Where have I been all these years?
Unforgivable how far away from the truth I am
Lies intertwined with forgiveness
Intertwined with ignorance and bliss
That's the sound of the holidays
Loneliness.

Emotional Play-By-Play

embarrassmEnt                 
angeR        

 teArs  

lieS    

    gut-wrEnching     

falling                

screaMs        

      lEaving

crying               

paiN     

   dOubt

sorroW        

                finished

I Found Someone

It's morning
and I'm thinking about what we've done
And how we got here
I can't remember any time I've felt so wrong
And suddenly I start to disappear

You look lovely but I'll never tell you that
You look stunning and you can have it back
It's morning and I'm trying to figure out
The things I've done to you
I'll say

I found someone else to be loved by
I found someone else to be loved by
These angel wings you've given me have hidden my intentions
And every smile you have shown to me is acquiring my attention
I found someone else to be loved by

Now it's night
and I'm reading through your diaries
Cryptic codes locked in words tied up in entries
And I'm trying to see if I can find my way
Into your heart by getting in your head

And I'm b r o k e n
But I'll sit here and lie to you
Those tears in your eyes are giving away the truth
I've got something to say

Can you feel everything I've wanted
Can you feel everything I need
There is something that I want you to hear 
You're a beautiful disaster, beautifully disturbed

Download Dustin Brondyke - I Found Someone

I'm Just An Imploding Balloon

Love
The worst four letter word
You can throw around cuss words
And swear up a storm
But these words will just glance off my shoulder
Like a poorly shot arrow
Love
On the other hand
Sticks knowlingly to your life
Hangs around until you become comfortable with the weight
Then at your most vulnerable
It falls apart and leaves you empty
Love
What a joke
Why would I care for someone who will cause me more pain
Than a gunshot wound
Or shards of glass in the soles of my feet
Or the falling apart of dreams

Yes
I enjoy preaching to the choir
If you're a long shot or a lost cause
I'm the sermon for you
The religious context of these past lines reminds me
I'm a firm believer that belief is for fools
A grim outlook on life and I'm reaping the benefits
Ha. I amuse myself.
Clever lines followed by reversals show I'm thoughtful
and emotional
at the same time.
It's a magic trick
Watch one hand while the other pulls a coin out of your ear
A rabbit out of the hat
A bird from under the handkerchief
Sleight of hand catches you off guard
My sleight of tongue mixes you up the same way
Now for the recap
Love
A confusing emotion of regurgitated dreams
Placed upon someone else's shoulders
Where one party pretends the other party
Is "everything they've ever wanted"
But is just off enough they're needed to be fixed
Not through rehab, or psychiatry
Mind you
Just through talking.
Because, naturally, we want to fix
But we don't want to put any work into it
So who am I to rob you of your satisfaction?

Sick, Sick, Sick

I'm as sick as the next.
Just a wolf in sheep's clothing
Pull the sheep skin over my eyes
Please
I like being someone else
And not knowing who I am
Feels good
Takes one to know one
And I'm surrounded by fakes
Thank you

Shadow of Happiness

I interrupt this transmission to bring you happiness
Ironically these words are laced with bitter tongue
and wounded heart
You are not my first love, nor my last
You are simply a flame in the wind
A cloud in the sky
A leaf in the breeze
Beautiful at first
But with time, you disappear.
Like those before and after
My heart is a revolving door
As soon as one foot is out
The next person has begun their journey
That's hopeful enough
Or hopeless, I forget
Either way you look at it
My happiness is directly related to my self-destruction
So as I sit here and fall apart
I'm doing my part
To wear a smile

Imagination

I want to feel a love like that

On A Side Note

You have reopened my eyes to the world.
It's not often someone spits out my feelings upon a page.
My emotions read like a dreary case report.
Your version gives me hope in two ways.
One
I am not alone in my loneliness.
Two
You are far more brave than I will ever be.
While you spill out how you feel about whom
I sit here hidden behind turn of the phrase and double meanings
It's cowardice mixed with elegance
Genius mixed with embarrassment
Shame with glory.
I wish there was a way to come out of the woodwork
If this would work, I would have a new place to throw ideas at
That would open up doors to emotional breakthroughs
And breakdowns.
Both of which I love.
There's no way I can say this except hidden.
You're out there.
I'm stuck in here.
Reaching out to me was the most anyone's done in a while
And you barely even did it.
I'm not asking you to be my savior
I'm not putting my fate in your hands
My world on your shoulders.
Just my name on your tongue
It's bitter
But so are you
It's pessimistic narcissism at its finest
This puzzle isn't impossible
I hope to hear from you.

Dreams Are A Dying Breed

Night.
This is when I am most alone.
When everyone sleeps I stare at empty screens waiting for replies.
This computer is just the read-out of emotions
and regardless of who I'm talking to
it remains as impersonal as a crowded street.
I'm at the corner of life and love
everyone seems to be walking with a destination in mind
I tread backwards towards indecision
This feels just like home.
And if home is where the heart is
                   I'm fucked.

That's right ladies and gentlemen.

Line up one and all to see the amazing loner

Able to leap from relationship to relationship in a single bound

Runs as fast as a speeding bullet from commitment

Can be back-stabbed multiple times without shedding a single tear or drop of blood.

I tell you, he's a wonder.
                 [A wonder I'm still relevant.]

Day.
I wake up to the thought:
Would you love me?
Come take these sticks and stones
The ones that have been breaking me more than words
Can't find them?
Me neither.
There are none strong enough to replicate the damage.
Let's build a relationship on these shifting sands
Brick by brick upon shaky ground
Maybe if we finish it
(and it looks good enough)
We can pass it off as fine.
I will love until my heart is incapable of beating
Will it be returned to me?
I hope in time.
There will always be a smile that catches me off guard
A laugh that entangles me
A stare that captures me
Or a kiss that takes my breath away
Will it be yours?
I hope so
You have seen the tip of the iceberg
Dare to look below the surface and you will see nothing else
Once you figure yourself out
And plan your life 
And rebuild your confidence
And restructure your heart
And rediscover your beauty
I will be there.
Because my home is where my heart is.
Yours.

Breathtaking, Ain't She?

I started this morning blowing a farewell kiss
To the mirror
It stared back at me and waited for my first mistake
I shook my head and laughed
These dreams keep playing tricks with me
I believe in them
Gain faith in them
Give my soul to them
But as I try to investigate their existence
They disappear.
So fragile. Like me.
My friends are just reflections of myself
Love it at first and grow to despise it in time
I forget if I'm talking about my friends or myself
Either or, I've broken down again
This latest setback requires more than a band-aid
It requires hoping and determination
Two attributes I've given up for coping and deterred relations
So instead subscribe me to a dream
I'll borrow yours if you have some to spare
Pretending to have something to look forward to will keep me preoccupied
Instead of attached to my grief and despair
I'm escaping through you
This plan cannot succeed without a host and parasite
We've been given our roles
I forget if I'm talking about my friends or myself
Either or, these dreams are giving me high hopes
and low expectations
and shallow thoughts
and an empty reflection
Which reminds me
If you were wondering, the mirror is still waiting for my response
My first mistake?
Simple.
Life.

Beautifully Disturbed

An echo of silence is still nothing
A faded memory that hasn't seen the light of day
Won't ever see the light of day
This caricature of my past will drown in the river of time
The face in the mirror no longer looks back at me
                                It looks down at me
I stare with tensed brow pretending to find a hint of redemption
It's not there, I've never been one to redeem
I'm just a coupon in the middle of the magazine
Not eye-catching enough for first, and not worth enough for last
I instead sit in an ebb & flow of average
You walk past me
                Look through me
                                      Ignore me
I accept this as part of the territory
I have yet to live the twenty years I've been upon this Earth
Instead I relive my past via journals, poems and songs
I show a sign of weakness
You eat this up
The cycle runs another lap


I have yet to awake from a nightmare and feel relief
No, all dreams are better than this reality
My reality
Where heart break is a line away
Shattered dreams are the next verse  
             Missed Opportunities     
     Lost Loves             Hopelessness
                 MISTAKES                 Failure
       Falling Apart               Regret
Are all recurring themes

And yet, I continue screaming one emotion after the next
Believing that one day you'll understand me

One day these words will not be just a bitter silence upon a cold page
They will echo through your being as you enjoy the grace of every word
But despite all these desperate attempts
It doesn't change the overlying truth.
An echo of silence is still nothing

Forgive Me For I Have Amends

Well your love is the key that twists inside of me
Cracks my heart open with a smile
But since the return of your fireplace urn
It's turned all my love to denial
I wanted to say that I need you to stay
But to want, you have to believe
And since you left I've had a bad taste on my breath
And I can't seem to rinse myself clean
If my dreams came true today I'd just wash you away
With a steady stream of laughter and lies
You do, what you always do
And I'll fall apart but you'll never hear me cry
I'll stare for a spell while you lie how you felt
And my face cracks into a smile
Your love was a key, that's still inside me
And now I'm hollow as hollow can be

Here's A Thought

 Please STOP                

                              You're T E A R I N G  M E  A P A R T

 My pathetic empty sad lost fragile outlook on life       

                 cannot withstand (another) blow

one is beautiful                                     
  one is lovely                 

                                          both are toxic to the touch

      Regret is the only thing I hold near  

I Don't Know What This Is

Allow me to introduce to you a man of a thousand dreams (it's me)
You think that you're so beautiful, and that everyone looks at you the way I said I did
But maybe that was just a lie to get you in the bed
So you look at me and say I've never been one to give
Looking at me from atop your pedestal, how do you remember what it feels like to be a friend?
You think I cry out in pain from just a simple paper cut
But you haven't seen me with broken jaw or broken heart
So you can proceed to get away from me, but you haven't seen anything yet
And I cannot remember a time in my life when I haven't been controlled by drugs and alcohol
Every single pill they've given to me, these drugs have become my therapy
And I'll keep self-inducing medication upon myself until I drug my way to Hell

This whiskey holds my memories so I can not forget
After every single blackout and every cigarette
The alcohol comes in floods and helps me drown
I'll burn this place to the ground, I'll burn it down

After every time we meet you hold another piece of me
and you think you got me where you want me
But you are so fragile dear, you are so fickle here
You haven't even seen me at my worst
You cannot comprehend my life as you've seen it
I would rather walk a mile in your shoes
Than another fucking inch in mine.

This fifth of vodka is helping me forget
Every single memory tied to every regret
I hope this alcohol will solve my problems now
or else I'll burn this place to the ground, I'll burn you down
I'll burn this place to the ground
I'll burn it down

Break Me Down

It's when I'm playing it safe and reclusive that people fall in love with me
Never when it's myself on the line
I sit and deal with love instead of experiencing it
Whenever I throw myself out there
Grabbing for every star
Smiling as your name graces a conversation
Looking for your hand in a crowded place
Is when I get played.
Why can't I find a girl who wants me?
Me, to warm them when they're cold
Me, to find them when they're lost
Me, to save them when they're the damsel in distress.
Instead, I run
To the edge of the end of the world
To bring a token of my love
To find them with someone else.
Silence: the sound of my breaking heart.
This has happened so many times to me, it's my own cliche.
You have driven me into self-pity and denial
Full of fake I love you's and smiles
We're not getting out of this one alive
So yet again I'll climb out on a limb
A cliff's edge, if you will
To see where I stand
Until this blows up in my face and I go on to plan B
The second time through the alphabet
Feeling safe never had such a warning sign.

Oh Darkness, Give Me Peace

I hate the light because it only creates shadows
And I can't stand knowing what I can't see
So dim down all the lights and let the shadows take the night
Because darkness is the one thing that gives me peace

I'm holding back in disbelief from the lover and the thief
Both of whom have led me astray
I only breathe so shallow because I can't concentrate
on the words that sit right before my face
I'm holding back a thought that could separate us
Like a piece of tape that's lost its bind
Whether the weather calls for rainy or a boring sunny day
I'll only fall for you because I'm falling all the time

So when I turn off the lights I'm only being polite
Because I know you know I know the truth
Cuz even though you may look at a mirror every day
I know your body better than you

Tale Of Two Lovers

This is a tale of two lovers, twisted at the seams
Broken like wine glasses on top of shattered dreams
A kiss on the lips from a shadow that you've cast
Is a mystery to me

The static on the radio is the only sound
That I've ever enjoyed, or ever allowed
It creates an atmosphere of wonder and I wonder how you've been
The static plays your voice over and over again
I'm not quite sure how you got intercepted by the waves
But I'll hold on to that station 'til reception starts to break
If these interstellar radio waves should fail to hold
My body will collapse and my heart will start to fold
For this drive is the only action keeping me alive
Without a thirst for conquest, I struggle to survive
As distance separates us, I struggle to find
A station playing static to ease my troubled mind

3 years of ignorance brought sorrow in the form of bliss
Misery keeps my company even after it ceases to exist
From my shallow point of view I send my deepest apologies
But I cannot forgive you until you fall apart with me

The Vacant Spot

Woke up to the sound of rain drops tapping on my window
Like me with a stone on the night before but you were not alone
And I tried, oh I tried, to get inside your room
But you said baby let's stay outside and look at the moon

You are beautiful tonight, you've got everything you need
sitting on a silver platter
You are beautiful tonight, you've got everything you need.
Oh what's that tear, what's the matter?

Woke up to the vacant spot where you laid the night before
I'm wanting you now or never, more and more and more
And you said baby everything's gonna be fine
But you're wrong because you're not mine

This Bottle Knows No Witnesses

How many times can something happen over and over again
Until I realize I am just insane?
I will dream about you leaving me and relish in the pain

I know the moment I fell apart, it's written on my calendar
Marked it with a heart and watched it burst in flames
I'll never look at you the same

My conscious is acidic, a promise left unsaid
I've taken all the blame and passed it on
This is not forgiveness, darling, it's denial
I've never hated myself more just to make you smile

Broken Hearts Breed Lost Souls

I lost you before you even knew the game
The knock on the door, on wood, three times the shame
This isn't heartbreak, it's the sound of silence

Heavy breathing the only thing I can feel
Makes you a lucid dream but I'm stuck with what's real

Anonymous to the crowd I walk through the door
Everyone's talking, I can't hear a word
I stumble collapse and stick to the floor

I scream, scream, scream til I'm all out of breath
The only thing filling me is your hollow regrets
I'm pressing on forward til I envelop myself
If you make it to heaven, God give me hell

Today Is The First Day

Am I anything you wanted or a careless caress
That you've placed upon my shoulders in a time of such duress
I am feeling rather shaken as my thoughts begin to stir
And my bones are busy breaking as I dive in head first

This is love? I ask rhetorical at best
You're a hypocrite with passion, and I'm feeling so much less
If you'll consider everything I've done as a mistake
I'll consider never calling you out on being fake

Today is the first day I've never been alive
I'm feeling so real now that I'm dying in your eyes
It's a heartbreak on fire, a mistake with a liar
And I'm losing the only thing I've ever won

I'm taking my regret with me to the grave
If I ever take a breath, it's the one I take away
From your hollow soul that's got me shaking at the knee
I'm drowning myself away with sorrow and whiskey

Today is the first day I'm leaving you behind
I'm feeling so at home now that I've lost my mind
It's a heartbreak on fire, a mistake with a liar
And I'm losing the only thing I've ever won

This fog blinds the world from the shadow I have cast
I am lowering expectations as I rise up the mast
Of the ship I am on setting sail upon the sea
Set a course due west so the sun can fall with me

Today is the first day I've never been alive
I feel so real now that I'm dying in your eyes
It's a heartbreak on fire, a mistake with a liar
Yes a heartbreak on fire, a mistake with a liar, my neck hung with wire
Oh I'm losing the only thing I've ever won

Those Aren't Sparkles, They're Reflections Of Light Upon Glossy Eyes

I'm in love with you, she lied
This regret has burrowed deeply and ceases to relent

----=====----

You live in a world of such regret
I cannot believe you haven't pushed it off on someone else yet
A vision of hypocrisy and you're the only one subscribed
To all the burning bridges and the beds in which you lie

With Great Power Comes Great Tranquility

Your care is just a handicap that confines the way I move
I'd rather fall apart than fall in love with you
The essence of back to the basics spills forth from shed tear
It's the tranquility that's getting me to disappear
There's no forgiveness on my lips so quite searching for an answer
In every single kiss you'll find that you are just a cancer
Breeding within, only purpose to destroy
I imagine you're so smooth because you're sick of being coy

It's here that I've been looking for
A little piece of mind and piece of breaking heart
You're everything I wanted
Forgive me from the start
I will love without restriction
Blessed be your conviction
To the truth I have kept away from you

Sorry, This Scene Is Closed

I'm the worst of all of us and yet the center of attention
I've led my followers astray more times then I care to mention
And while you're treading lightly yet playing the blame game to a "t"
I'm getting sick of these medications not doing shit for me

----=====----

I've been dreaming of meeting you at your bedroom window with a ladder and a kiss
Holding a boom-box over my head can say anything but nothing quite like this

----=====----

She was only good for breaking hearts
She made breaking hearts look so good.

November Rain

There's something in the way you move
I can't keep my mind off of you
Your baby blue eyes, like diamonds and skies
There's something in the way you move
They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder
The world must look ugly ever since your heart grew colder
And since the return of the lovers you've earned
You've never been of the same self-esteem

Girl I'm jealous, not of what you have become,
But of what you've destroyed along the way

----=====----

When did life become so real?
When did you become the one who decides the way I feel?
Your lack of self-control is rather detrimental
To the causes you're affecting with your hips
The fine print on your heart reads "to love or die"
So why am I at the bottom of that list?

I'm laying myself out in the open and you're the coroner
You interpret every heartbeat as a meaning every scar a story every cut another sign
With the precision that you cut me down I'm lucky to be alive.

Everything Changes

Oh Aimee how do you do with goodbyes
That's all I've ever been and I need it to end
Oh maybe everything changes in an instant
Otherwise I'll be waiting outside your door
Tears on face, tears on wrist, self on floor
I can't take this anymore
Sweet sweet darling, you're everything, everything to me
You're a ghost of lovers past
And I'm trying to live it down.
Sweet, sweet, darling allow me to apologize
I would fall in love with you if you were ever around
I like to leave my heartbroken and let the next girl fix it
Into her very own work of art
It's fragile yet beautiful
With ever changing parts
Lay me down to rest for my eyes have begun to sink
In reflection of my soul in relation to me

I'm Better Off Alone

After everything you've done, I'm still reeling in the mistake
Something is different about me - I'm no longer pretending
Why did I think you'd be different? I don't know or understand.
Giving up.
This is the sound of breaking silence
Shattered like glass.
I'm just a caricature of a former love
You think you want me but you've just settled
And that's the most unsettling part.
I am in stasis. I adorn my facade to overthrow saviors.
I don't want saving, I just need it.
As much as you try, you are no Superman, Wonder Woman, or Jesus.
They are all just fictional characters anyway.

This Feels Just Like Home

I love being broken like this, gives someone else something to fix
And me to ignore
and you to take credit for.
My heart bleeds blue and black ink
and while each word seeps onto the page
all I can think is one man's sin is another man's blessing.
My curse is your gift
adorned with a bow.
As you devour each line more hungry you will grow
and you shall stay enthralled while I fall apart
while I lay my heart on the coroner's table
and you scrutinize my every beat as a meaning,
every scar as a story,
every cut as a sign.
My imperfection casts a shadow upon you, perfectly.
You have disappeared.
Despite my life having more insecurity and denial
I still rise to the top.
While each of these lines is a double-edged razor
Cutting hearts and wrists open wide
It becomes clear
You were nothing before me
Without me you are again nothing.
Keep scratching at this scar until it becomes as permanent as my words.
This page is filled with loathing and you're the target.
You can never hide.
It will find you and destroy you.

I'm the h o l l o w  s h e l l of my former self            
My vocals are as soulful                                         
                           as I am HEARTLESS

This Is Irony

I am Dustin Brondyke
Or rather the words of Dustin Brondyke.
Being that you are not him; I am not yours
I am the first of my kind and possibly the last.
The smiles and laughs are merely a diversion
An innate sense of calm before the storm
This first entry (however) is the warning
The premise.
I am still as broken as I once claimed to be
And the bottom of my heart can't wait to see you at the bottom of your grave
In this sense these blankets will be your grave
Your last breath will be at the expense of my name
For this gift, I have been given hopelessness and become jaded
I change crushes faster than you can change expressions
These words are your escape and my reflections.
My confessions.
This road is not built of yellow bricks
Nor is it a kick of ruby red slippers away
This was built on blood, sweat, and tears.
From going to play shows, to losing friends, to being looked down upon
To being loved, to being alone
Over my characterizing years.
Years I should have been making friends but stuck to my guitar
You laughed at me then
But look who's laughing now.
My heart may be in the next ice age
May be broken for years without repair
May be anything.
But these words will always be how I feel and felt.
There is no quick fix to get rid of this.
This is me and my life.
I am Dustin Brondyke
Or rather, the words of Dustin Brondyke
Being that you are not him; I am not yours
I am the first of my kind and probably the last.
Welcome