California In Sweet Hypocrisy

I want to be sober
Not somber
Ecstatic
Not static
Forgiving
Not for giving up
Somewhere
Not here
I want to be inspired
The way my heart used to be
When I'd sit before you
And tell you anything that was on my mind
That had caused me to rot for the day
And in spilling it upon these blank canvases
Would buy me hours of survival
Wondering when the next crash would come
And I wouldn't be near pen or paper
To release these caged demons
That hide behind forlorn eyes
Neither hazel nor blue
They sit like hollow pits
And dart around the room
As if expecting you to walk in
And I'd let these ideas build up
Until I'd fallen in love
Not with a person
An idea
And once the person is attached to this idea
The words pour like waterfalls from my fingertips
Beckoning your lips to talk fast
And your hips to walk away faster
But I don't care how this affects you
I'm only worried about how long it'll take me to recover
So while I pretend we were lovers
You won't even have a clue
That this is about you