Beautifully Disturbed

An echo of silence is still nothing
A faded memory that hasn't seen the light of day
Won't ever see the light of day
This caricature of my past will drown in the river of time
The face in the mirror no longer looks back at me
                                It looks down at me
I stare with tensed brow pretending to find a hint of redemption
It's not there, I've never been one to redeem
I'm just a coupon in the middle of the magazine
Not eye-catching enough for first, and not worth enough for last
I instead sit in an ebb & flow of average
You walk past me
                Look through me
                                      Ignore me
I accept this as part of the territory
I have yet to live the twenty years I've been upon this Earth
Instead I relive my past via journals, poems and songs
I show a sign of weakness
You eat this up
The cycle runs another lap


I have yet to awake from a nightmare and feel relief
No, all dreams are better than this reality
My reality
Where heart break is a line away
Shattered dreams are the next verse  
             Missed Opportunities     
     Lost Loves             Hopelessness
                 MISTAKES                 Failure
       Falling Apart               Regret
Are all recurring themes

And yet, I continue screaming one emotion after the next
Believing that one day you'll understand me

One day these words will not be just a bitter silence upon a cold page
They will echo through your being as you enjoy the grace of every word
But despite all these desperate attempts
It doesn't change the overlying truth.
An echo of silence is still nothing